Need help to adjust attached non-fiction story, Include a short 200 (minimum) word author note on the revision process

Review and revise attached non-fiction story and make sure that the revised story is at least 1400 words. See also attached review notes which I tried already to revise.

Include a short 200 (minimum) word author note on the revision process for this piece, as well as the overall strengths, weaknesses, inspirations, and areas for growth you observe in this process.