Here are the questions to address:
1) What does the writer think is the solution or response to the problem? Is there more than one? What are they? List them here.
2) Are the actions that the writer calls for direct or indirect? That is, for the problem identified, is the writer saying something like “we’ve got to stop” or something like “we can’t stop but we can do something else”? Explain how you decide which one it is.
3) How does the writer explain how the solution should be implemented? How does he or she help tell readers how to make the solution do-able?
4) The conclusion always stresses what’s most important for the reader to remember. So what does the writer most want you to remember about his or her ideas in this paper?
5) All aper’s need to answer the question “so what?” In fact, the conclusion needs to get readers who are not immediately affected to also care. How does the writer get all readers to see why his or her argument matters?
6) Is there anything else you’d like to mention?
PEER 1
Thesis “Excessive use of social media by a young woman ages 13-17 lowers self-esteem”
In conclusion, I have found during my research there are two problems that need to be resolved. The
first is excessive use of the internet by teenager girls. The second, the jury is still out on, the indirect effect of
girls being on social media for these extended periods of time, low self-esteem. It is incredibly important issue
to be addressed because the mental state of our future generations depends on it. Maybe the answer is not
to keep the girls off social media all together may just be unrealistic to think. I believe we should teach the girls
and also all children safe and proper use of this marvel, social media that is not going away anytime soon.
Another issue I’ve come across is teenager girl’s self-esteem after use of the social media networks. As
parents, teachers, coaches, all role models we need to do a better job exhibiting positive attitudes and
reinforcing praising our young girls for who they are and what they have accomplished. I believe with girls able
to take a safe social media class along with their role models in life paying extra attention to boosting their
self-esteem we will begin to see a different result from our next generation’s mental well-being.
PEER 2
Marie R. Belfort
Thesis: Even though social media has enhanced the system communicative, its excessive use with smartphone has conducted teenage girls ages 13-19 to social medial addiction and cybersexual delinquency that generate anxiety disorders.
While it is true that the excessive use of social media with smartphone is harmful for everyone, especially teenage girls, there are still some preventive ways to overcome it. Carr in his article “A Thing Like Me” reports that many psychological researches over the past twenty years have assumed that spending time in a quiet place, near to nature, can help people considerable improve cognition, acquire memory power, and enhance capacity of learning (Carr 219). For instance, our brains, close to nature, are more intense and become unflustered, assumes Carr, because we are not exposed to the immense world of technology (Carr 219). In other words, Carr explains that as we stay connected to the nature instead of being addicted to the internet, our brains are calmer and we are more comfortable to learn because we are separated of this compulsive technology. Another study, leading by the psychologist Marc Berman, reveals that people who spending time in park can show better performance and have greater attentiveness than those who is walking round of the city, based on a test designed to enumerate their capacity of working memory (Carr 219). Ultimately, being connected to the nature could help fighting internet addiction. In sum, this discovery will bring significant result to the problem of internet addition, as well as any treatment for social media addition.
On the other hand, despite of all the behavioral panics that social media engenders to human life, specifically to those of our teenage girls, this doesn’t conclude that we should be isolated from this technology. Daniel Miller in his article “What is Social Media” affirms that while social media is seen as a ‘Theory of attainment’, it is also conducted to several topics in which they insist that new technology are often associated to some ‘moral panics’ (Miller et al… 8). How this statement should be emphasized? As we analyze all of the issues brought by the use of social media with smartphone, it is necessary to establish the pros and cons. In a positive way, the use of internet has contributed to the fastest and easiest motion of the world, which is viewed as a bunch of advantages that benefit any such branch, listed as educational, medical, commercial and social, in accordance to (Miller et al) and Pallen conclusions illustrated above in this paper. In contrast, educators should be more concerned about how to introduce kids to the technology environment because the internet is very harmful for immature brain. And then, parents should also monitor how their kids use this technology by scheduling others such daily activities such as reading and writing to avoid the excessive use of the internet which leads to addiction, sexual delinquency until generating anxiety disorders.
In conclusion, while the internet influenced the life of everyone, mostly those of teenage girls, we cannot stopping use the internet because it is become a part of the world and no one could avoid to be totally disconnected to this world. However, his compulsive use produces a lot of negative impacts such as addiction, sexual delinquency that create social anxiety disorders. Consequently, these finding provoke many discussions, which Carr points out as a medium that severely affects our brains. As a result of that, he suggests that reading linear pages, until of surfing all the time on the internet, may help increase considerably our understanding and knowledge (Carr 128). In sum, that is why educators and parents should rethink about introducing most reading and writing activities for beginners to prevent the problem of social media addiction with smartphone among teenagers, especially teenage girls or adult in the future without isolated them integrally to the technology environment.
Work Cited
Carr, Nicholas. “A Thing Like Me, The Juggler’s Brain” The Shallows: What The Internet Is Doing to Our Brain. New York. London, www.wwnorton.com (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. PRINT
Miller, Daniel, et al. “What Is Social Media?” How the World Changed Social Media, 1st ed., Vol. 1, UCL Press, London, 2016, pp. 1–8. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt1g69z35.8 (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site..