My initial essay didn’t get me the grade I wanted. Can you please go over this essay and make any changes necessary to get the best grade following the prompt :
should be
3-5 pages and should conform to MLA format.
Reconstructing the Lost Tribe
This essay is taken from our text Writing Logically, Thinking Critically, where it is presented in its entirety. Your essay will “characterize the society that uses the language” discussed in the text. Do not describe a tribe or culture that already exists. Use your imagination and your impressions. Read and reread all sections of the writing assignment (specifically “The Topic,” “The Approach,” and “Audience and Purpose”) to be clear on your direction.
The objective of this paper is for you to have the opportunity to formulate a thesis, to provide development and support for your ideas, and to demonstrate your ability to structure a clear and effective essay.
Here are comments made by my professor on my initial essay:
“Use the standard MLA heading and 12-point font. It is not clear “how” the words that are presented in the prompt are being used in the essay. They are not referred to at all. Go back and look at the prompt to see how this essay does not address the task presented.“
Use textbook !!!!!
HERE IS MY ESSAY FOR REVISION.
Features of the Lost Tribe
Shawn Mines
English 103
Prof. Ahrens
9/28/17
Features of the Lost Tribe
Introduction
The Lost Tribe is one of the ancient tribes in the United States of America that located in the region of Amazon. There are special features which characterize this tribe, such as special form of economic practices, unique language, different form of leadership styles and political system, social interactions and the manner in which knowledge is transferred from generation to generation. For example, knowledge is stored in memories of elders, hunters and gatherers, midwives, healers, farmers, fishermen and hunters among others. Current population on the earth is over ten thousand with high chances of becoming extinct due to the nature of their ancient life.
Economic Life
Members of this society have been able to devise and develop innumerable technologies being the best at their level of understanding. For example, Lost Tribe men are highly accredited for inventing ways of practicing agriculture in already sidelined areas such as deserts; with minimal irrigation practices. They are able to produce more food from the rain forest without destroying delicate balance which regulates the ecosystem. Lost Tribe community members are also accredited for being inventors of water vessels which enable them to navigate over long distances in the Pacific Ocean; relying on their knowledge of the currents and the water waves.
Medical Systems
Health is one of the most important aspects for members of the Lost Tribe. They have mastered the art of exploring medicinal properties of plants; and are fully aware of the basic ecology for both flora and fauna. Despite the fact of the latest innovations in the field of medicine, Lost Tribe is still intact with their ecosystem for curing diseases by relying on herbs and plants considered to be of medical values. However, they are at risk of losing this knowledge due to mismanagement of the environment by industrialists and those who carry out research in the field of anthropology and other social sciences.
Threats
These people are being threatened due to development practices which encroach on their indigenous land and traditional way of lifestyle. This is one of the major factors that are causing disappearance of the indigenous knowledge in the society. Evidently, a section of community members have started to embrace western civilization by enrolling into institutions of higher learning thus ending up forgetting indigenous knowledge of their community members. Despite the fact of these problems, Lost Tribe occupies the same topographical area; being region of the Amazon.
Social Lifestyle
Lost Tribe members are known for their unique sense of unity. This unity is highly manifested during times of war and peace. They have their own unique style of conflict resolution; which is being done by senior society members. In order to enhance unity within the community, marriage outside the tribe highly prohibited. This is justified any the fact that inter-clan marriages protect common dialect which in turn strengthens sense of unity in the community. Blood-relation is the greatest bond and the most powerful force for in-calculating societal values and ensuring that peace and harmony in the society is highly maintained.
Political System
The political system is designed in such a way that members are protected against any form of intrusion from external forces. The supreme power is vested among people who elect their leaders through a special system of election; which is done under special conditions. There is a committee that is dedicated with the mandate of streamlining leadership and ensuring that there are minimal conflicts within the society. Political system is highly enhanced by the common culture that is embraced by the community members. The Lost Tribe members speak a common ancient language, have their own system of ancient religion thus presence of homogeneity among the society.
Kinship
Kinship is highly valued and embraced by members of the community. This is cornerstone of social organization. Lost Tribe is divided into exogamous clans and other systems of lineages. Intern-clan marriage is based on the tribal endogamy rule thus divorce is highly discouraged in society. However, in the event that divorce is the only solution to salvage the situation, remarriage is allowed on condition that the right choice has been reached. Marriage contract is respected; substantiated by the fact that life starts with marriage.
Social organization is based on the values and doctrine of the egalitarian principle. Despite the factor of the ancient life that has been embraced by members of the society. There is absence of institutionalized inequalities like what is common in the caste system. Men and women of this tribe enjoy all social privileges. Children, aged and less fortune in society are highly accorded necessary assistance to ensure that life goes on smoothly. However, elders who occupy political positions enjoy more privileges as compared to other members of the society; justified by the fact that they are policy makers, custodians of ethics and other acceptable social conduct in the community.
Religion
There is a rudimentary type of religion among community members of the Lost Tribe. With a well institutionalized religious system, majority of the society believe in items signifying those objects that have special features and the ability to posses extra powers. This rudimentary system of religion is due to the following common factors: members occupying the same geographic location, being largely independent on the national economic system, element of ethnic distinctiveness from the national society, unique form of leadership that does not correlate with the national federal government and special economic base that is tightly dependent on their own environmental conditions.
Social Interdependence
Social life is characterized by interdependence among community members. The rationale behind this social interdependence emanates from the concrete belief that natural resources are God given thus need to share. Sharing of community items is highly emphasized, due to the candid fact that no human being is able to fulfill his/her promises without relying on other people’s assistance. Interdependence is one of the factors that are meant to limit chances of conflict occurrence during the struggle for ever limited natural resources.
Likeness is the primary feature for mutual co-existence within this community. Likeness is manifested in the political systems, social ways of life, the manner in which conflicts are solved and other means of solving problems within the community. Likeness forms a concrete foundation upon which strategies are implemented to eliminate chances of negative differences within the society. Social structure of humanity is based on family having notable biological differences and similarities.
Cooperation
Evidently, corporation is a distinctive feature that binds members of the society. Lost Tribe members are always encouraged by leadership to work together towards common goal such as economic prosperity, limiting of conflicts within the society and enhancing security in the community. The tribe has a slogan that all of us should prosper.