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THIRD SUBMISSION OF PAPER SECTION: remainder of the "Confirmation" - Freshman Essays

THIRD SUBMISSION OF PAPER SECTION: remainder of the “Confirmation”

THIRD SUBMISSION OF PAPER SECTION: remainder of the “Confirmation”

So far you’ve written the the introduction, the statement of background and the beginning of your confirmation. For this assignment you will submit the next section of your paper: the remainder of the “confirmation.” As a helpful reminder, this section defined in detail below.


This is what you might normally call the body of your paper. This is where you explore the problem and offer the arguments you want to use to convince readers that you’re right. This part is where you really make use of the “They Say, I Say” structure. That is, you share something you learn from your research (“They Say”) then you offer your interpretation about why this bit of research is important (“I Say”). Then you offer a second related piece of knowledge you learned in your research (“They Say”), and your interpretation, including how this new knowledge is related to the last piece of knowledge you shared (“I Say”). Again, this is where much of the work of your argument gets done — and the longest section of your paper.

Please Note: Be sure to use the kinds of templates you learned in Graff & Birkenstein’s They Say, I Say. I will be evaluating your submission on how well you use the “they say, I say” techniques.

A successful paper will have the following:

  • The basic parameters of the assignment;
  • A clear and focused goal and purpose generated by the writer;
  • An introduction that frames the discussion and a conclusion that affirms the paper’s project;
  • An organization of paper and paragraphs that is logical, coherent, unified and easy to follow;
  • Reference to legitimate support (your research) using MLA citation;
  • Effective use of “They, I Say” structure, avoiding “voice mixing” and the “data dump”;
  • Specific and clear explanation of your ideas;
  • Logical relationships—linkages—between ideas, sentences and paragraphs;
  • Sentence style that is powerful, clear and precise; and
  • No surface feature errors.

What is a “data dump”? A data dump is when a writer takes all of his or her research and dumps it into the paper without any kind of analysis, interpretation or assertions of importance or emphasis. This is a common kind of the so-called “research paper” found in high school. But it isn’t. So don’t do this. Data dumping makes for a very bad paper.

What is “voice mixing”? Voice mixing is a condition when a reader can’t tell the difference between the author’s own voice and the voices from the sources. This is bad. It should always be clear when a reader is reading the sources ideas (the “They Say”) and when they are reading your own ideas (the “I Say”). To make matters worse, voice mixing can look a lot like plagiarism.

What is one way to tell that you have data dumping or voice mixing in your paper (though not the only way)? That your paper has one or a number of paragraphs that have only one citation located at the very end of the paragraph. A paragraph should most likely have a source (or two) that needs an in text citation and then also have your own voice (which won’t have an in text citation).

Due Now

Use a separate document (you’ll be combining the sections later in the term) submitting the remainder of the confirmation — aim for about an additional TWO to THREE additional pages (depending on how many pages of the confirmation you’ve already written).

What you turn in here must contain:

1) at the top, please post your central thesis.

2) in the text, include correct in-text citations.

3) be sure to include a relevant Works Cited page at the end. If you use only one source, then your Works Cited page will have one source.



Research with the Databases through the CCP Library

Doing research for this section of English 102 will require you to make use of the various databases offered by the CCP Library. These databases are expensive, and the college subscribes to them for your use. In other words, the cost is included in your tuition.

What Are Databases?

A database is essential a collection of data organized for searching with its own search engine. Google is a search engine that allows you to search the web, which is itself a database. However, the web is an indiscriminate body of data, a collection of myriad kinds of texts and images of varying kinds and qualities. And most of what is found on the Internet is inappropriate for quality research.

The databases provided by the library have already been judged to offer access to knowledge that is relatively or highly reliable. This is why English 102 requires that you make use of the databases.

How to Access the Databases

To access the college databases, do the following:

  1. 1) Log onto MyCCP .
  2. 2) Looktotheleftcolumnonthehomepage.Youwillsee“StudentQuickLinks.” Click on this link
  3. 3) Anumberofoptionswillopenforyou.Scandowntoyoufind“Library Databases.” Click on this link.
  4. 4) Youarenowonthepagewiththefullcurrentcollectionofallthecollege’s databases. The names of the databases are in alphabetical order.

Second submission

Effects of video game to the users (boys)

Central thesis:Playing violent video games could cause various negative effects on the boys who are actively playing on it, in the way that they would become more aggressive and it is also a danger in mind and it would damage the brain.

It is interesting that although there are many studies on the subject, there is still controversy, although scientists are reading the same information. Analyzing the available data, the APA considers that immediately after being exposed to violence in the media (including video games), a tendency of aggressive characteristics. They said that those who play violent video games are desensitized, and instead of caring about other people and having compassion, they become bad and even hurt people, including family members. The other, who has also seen changes in the boys who play violent video games, interpret them in another way. In my own point of view, I’d say that, unlike people who kill others in the real world, the changes in these guys are superficial and transient. They call them “minor acts of aggression”. They compare them to a little boy sticking his tongue out to another. According to Anderson and Douglas, “the interesting thing is that neither of the two scientists leaves their children to play violent video” (299).

Violent video games are the order of the day. It seems that the more bloody or cruel they are, the more successful they are. They say that this violence makes young people end up doing the same things on the street, becoming increasingly “ferocious”. In my personal experience, I found out that video games really affect the mind of users especially those boys because it would create different crimes committed by those who are addictive in this kind of games. Much has been talked about this topic, and much is going to talk because it is a subject that draws much attention taking into account the amount of violent games that are generated today and a number of violent crimes that occur in the world lately. Some say that many of them are caused because the minds of young people are influenced by the violence of the games and that this moves them to take what they see on the screen to real life. There has also been a lot of talk about this because of the number of times this topic appears in TV series or movies, and of course, if the TV says it, it is true (as many people think).

The researchers found in subjects who did not play violent video games, a normal delay in the Stroop test and an expected increase in areas of the brain related to emotion. On the other hand, the results of the brain images of the players of violent video games revealed at the beginning of the investigation a normal brain activity, but after 2 weeks of playing violent video games, they exhibited less activation in the cerebral areas related to emotion (Park, p. 154). In my own observation, I would say that the players of violent video games, after a week, showed a decline in activity in the areas that regulate attention and concentration. The researchers say that the brain changes unveiled in the study are similar for adolescents with sociopathic disorders, and their results support previous studies that demonstrated the negative effects of video games in the short term, which have been used in court cases by parents. and tutors to control violent video games in teenagers. I’d say that the participants who used the violent game showed more aggressiveness against their opponents in the retaliation part of the study than the participants who used the non-violent game,” the authors of the recent study noted. Violent video games were less “cooperative” than other children during play period.


Anderson, Craig A., and Douglas A. Gentile. “Violent Video Game Effects on Aggressive thoughts, feelings, physiology, and Behavior.” Media Violence and Children: A Complete Guide for Parents and Professionals: A Complete Guide for Parents and Professionals (2014): 229.

Park, Alice. How Playing Violent Video Games May Change the Brain. The Ste Cell Hope for Children. (2011): 154.

Teachers comments on second submission:

Thanks, T. This new thesis is much closer to one that can work for a shorter paper. 1) However, the writing itself still remains too general. In other words, one good solution is to select a specific study, describe it, and show how it proves that violent video games increases aggression. A study that does this is crucial to a good paper in support of this thesis. Perhaps the study having something to do with a thing called the “Stroop test” will work for this. That would mean you’d need to add a lot more detail about that specific study. 2) Also, your first paragraph here proves a different thesis: that boys playing violent video games have a loss of empathy, right? This isn’t necessarily the same thing as aggression. See why you need to offer a source that puts actual aggression front and center? 3) Finally, the citation are incorrect. Neither of them include the name of the database you got them from. Right now, these look like articles you may have found on Google. But since that’s not acceptable, So be sure to revise the citations to shoe the database and URL so I can look them up myself. Ultimately, you’ll want to revise so that you lead your reader step by step through your argument, building it incrementally the way Gresham did with her paper on Internet pornography and Fauser did with her paper on Internet detoxes. I look forward to your future work. Thanks.