Who can make a second draft of my essay?

This is my essay, and this is the second draft. I want someone to fix the mistakes and make it third draft.

First, remove the quotation from the introduction.

then add more examples and experience, but you have to ask me before you add the example so it can relate to me.

also after each quotation make an example relate to it and after each quotation add the page number. The book’s name is ( Tuesday With Morrie)

also, in the second page there is a short paragraph, make it longer or connect it with another paragraph. Also please make sure the thesis statement is clear